Monday, June 29, 2009

... Of Spare Ass Annie


When I became captain of the town, I decided to extend asylum to certain citizens who were persona non grata elsewhere in the area because of their disgusting and disquieting deformities. One was known as Spare Ass Annie. She had an auxiliary asshole in the middle of her forehead like a baneful bronze eye.

Another was a scorpion from the neck down. He had retained the human attribute of voice, and was given to revolting paroxysms of self-pity and self-disgust during which he threatened to kill himself by a sting in the back of his neck. He never threatened anyone else, though his sting would have caused instant death.